so many things to say

But I don't have the words for them. God has taken care of me in ways I had no idea he would. This semester will definitely be exciting, make no mistake. Balancing all of these classes (and a teacher that needs meds) along with everything else I have going on will make or break me. I got the part in the play I didn't dream of playing and a date with a girl I almost gave up hope on. I don't even have the free time to be writing this, but I need to remember today. Because when things get rough, and I know they will, I need to remember that today everything fell into place. Today calculus made sense. Today I sang on key. Today I knew what to do for my lines. Today I worked up the nerve to do what I wanted to a long time ago. Today I kissed a girl with dancing eyes. Today I'm on the eagle's wings and I can touch the sun, even if the storm and fall come tomorrow.

random thoughts

All begins with an idea: all theories, inventions, musings, writings, songs, paintings, poems, plays, and games. All begin with an idea, a spark that ignites the fire of human intellect, that launches men into the pursuit of some product or truth. Any man can memorize facts and crunch numbers. Any man can follow a plan. These things can be taught. But coming up with a plan is far more difficult. Can you teach that? Can you teach a man to dream?

People need fiction. They need fairy tales. We need to know that there are monsters in this world and that they can be defeated. We need to know that love is more powerful and more worthwhile than anything else in the world. We need to know that there is good in every man, and that good will eventually triumph over evil. We need to know that there some things with no price tag, and some things are worth dying for.

Modern life has become a quest for comfort and economic gain, an attempt to just survive. They tell you that life is boring, empty, and all that matters is what’s in your pocket. People don’t walk around saying, “Hello. My name name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” They don’t sacrifice everything for love. They are afraid to dream. They are afraid to try.

Fairy tales help us believe that these things exist, even if they only dwell in our imaginations. It is a spark hot enough to light a fire that keeps us alive. It keeps us alive and reminds us not to let our lives be mundane, boring and wasted. It reminds us that life is wild and precious and ultimately worth living

So I'm going to keep reading Tolkien and Lewis and Brooks and Lawhead, even if people tell me they're childish and that intelligent people read Hemmingway and Fitzgerald and Kafka. I'll write my silly stories no one else will read. Maybe it's stupid. Maybe it's childish. But I'm holding on to these childish ideas. I'll believe that good will conquer evil. I'll believe true love is out there. I'll believe in God. I'll believe in a world worth fighting for.

political frustrations

The more I think about it, the more I realize that George Washington was right. Political parties suck. Some of my friends used to consider me one of the most politically passionate people out there, but I grow weary of American politics. Our political process has been reduced to catering to special interest groups and lobbyists who care about nothing other than pushing their agenda.

What happened to "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country?" Everyone is asking for a hand out. Everyone is looking for someone to make life easier for them. Republicans, Democrats, it's all the same. Just different special interest groups to cater to while the needs of the country are ignored.

I am so sick of these petty politics getting in the way of what our country needs to do. I find myself agreeing with the right more often than the left, but I don't know if I really consider myself a Republican anymore. I don't think a Republican president has really stood for what I believe in since Ronald Reagan.

So I think I’m gonna follow Wendell Berry’s lead. I’ll denounce the Government and embrace the flag. I’ll watch the news with a hope that someday things will change, and these petty groups will think about the welfare of the nation instead of their own agendas. Maybe all it takes is one unselfish person to create a ripple, to spark others into working for something greater than themselves. Jesus did it. Ghandi did it. I have to believe it can happen. I have to believe that it will.

New Beginnings

I'm starting fresh. New classes, a new room, and a roommate. Thank God for the last one. The small changes have already made college life much more livable, and I have high hopes for what is coming. Maybe I'll find out exactly what I want out of this life. Maybe I can find a dream worth pursuing. It's a little late for new years resolutions, but I don't care. I need goals for this year, I think this will make me stick to them, and so here they are:

1. I am going to get back into shape. Not only do I want to be at the level I was before college, but I want to surpass it. Not just physically either. Physically, mentally, and spiritually I want to see progress.

2. I will finish (or at least attempt) rewriting and completing that stupid book.

3. I will waste less time. Not just time in front of a screen. I need to bring procrastination to a heel, and I know that I could be doing so much more with what I have. I don't want to look back with regret and have to wonder what I could have been if I had simply put forth the effort.

There it is, three goals. Let's see how this year goes.

Musings.

I am so tired of people saying that there is no truth. I am so tired of people saying that there is no right and wrong and that everything is relative. For all their nihilistic rationalistic arguments, they cannot deny that even the most reprobate man knows profoundly when he's been wronged, and I don't care what the psychologists or serial killers say, everyone has a conscience. Men quiet it with rationalizations of their actions or they lie to themselves, saying that right and wrong don't matter. But everyone knows the feeling they get when they consciously wrong someone. Men have a knowledge of good, whether that knowledge can be articulated or not.

But what about differences of opinion? What about when interests conflict? That's when things get fuzzy. But all of these things stem from some abstract concept of justice that we all somehow understand on a subliminal level. Furthermore, we all have at least some vague idea about what is beautiful and what is good. Relativism is bullshit. So is absolutism. It's not one or the other. Certain things are relative. But certain things are absolute.