Why Sean Is A Lazy Procrastinator

I think I’ve just figured out something. Something kind of important. My biggest character flaw is probably laziness. I am the biggest procrastinator on the face of the earth. I constantly put my homework, my creative endeavors, work, job hunting, errands, and even time with God on the back burner. I already knew that. I also know that my frequent exhaustion and burn out comes from the all nighters where I scrape by by the skin of my teeth to produce acceptable work. Lately I haven’t even been able to do that. Case and point, England, or even recent times at Mercer. I always kept moaning about the time I needed more time to finish, but I had all the time I needed. I just wasted it watching movies, traveling, eating, going to the pub, watching football games, and watching youtube videos, and arguing with people on koptalk.

But I think I figured out the root of this. When wasting time I always tell myself that I deserve this break, that I need to unwind and I’ll do it later. That’s partially true, but I’m going about it the wrong way. Psalm 60:1 says, “My soul finds rest in God alone.” Whoops. So here’s what that means: no matter how much time I waste, no many naps I take, no longer how long I wait for energy to come to me, it won’t. I will feel burnt out and tired until I find rest for my soul, and until I find that rest, I will not be able to do anything else to the capacity he created me. Furthermore, until I make time for God, and until I feed myself spiritually, I will be stuck in this limbo, this rut of half-done endeavors, unfulfilled goals, and undeveloped ideas. My soul is crying out for relationship with my creator, and until it gets it, I’m going to keep sabotaging myself. So this is my next project that I’ll pursue before I write, before I study, before I work, and before I find rest or pleasure I the things of this world, I will pursue relationship with the Father. God help me.